As luck would have it, my driver was dropping someone at my building and picking me up. So I saw him drop her and then back up in the middle of my street to get the back seat door to me. It was kind of a bold move, considering I’m across from the city courthouse and there are always cops there. But nothing is normal. Luckily my actual street isn’t high traffic even on a high-traffic day, so it wasn’t a disaster waiting to happen.

He was smiling when I got in and I thanked him for finding me. I asked him if he was having a good morning, and he said he had only returned to driving three days ago (Monday), and it felt good to be back. I asked him what he had done with his time at home. He said he had been inside a lot, drinking. But he was starting to feel lonely. He hadn’t hugged anyone and he really was missing contact. He was also sad because when he would see people out, especially women, they were homeless, and they were pretty. He wondered what had gone wrong and why he couldn’t be in a relationship, even with them. He thought they might like a stable place to live. But besides that, he had really cut back drinking 3 days before driving to having just one beer a night.

So I talked to him more about how difficult it is for those of us who live alone, because it was tough before all of this, but this is entirely different. We also talked a little bit about the women he wondered about and about the trauma that probably led to their homelessness. It certainly wasn’t a choice, because no one chooses the chaos and stress of homelessness (unless the home they knew was dangerous). He told me that his dad was a big drinker and could usually drink about 15 beers a night but always made sure he was up for work the next morning for his job at a factory. My driver said his dad was always hard-working and hard-drinking. He never felt unsafe but his dad was hardcore. I am absolutely familiar with this.

This was a lot for a 4-mile drive. The best I could do during this conversation was let him talk and listen without a lot of prejudice. But I recognized that he had a lot of trauma in his life, and he sought partners with trauma. These cycles continue as long as men (especially) don’t address them and stop repeating them. And though it’s admirable he wants to provide a safe home for someone, they both need to individually work on their traumas separately before they are thrown together.

At the end of the ride he told me he was going to go home, grill himself a steak and have a beer, and take care of his insulin. Dangit. But also, he isn’t getting any hugs, so eat that steak, and drink that beer.

Botanical Heart Shower Curtain

Self Love Art Print

Sow Seeds of Love Art Print