I thanked my driver for finding me. It actually was this whole weird thing when my ride started. There was an older lady who was wearing stretchy black clothes that didn’t meet at the middle, so her middle was hanging out. And she didn’t want to get out of the car. And she was wondering why I was waiting, smiling, patient at the curb. She had a sort of raspy Marge Simpson voice. I told her that it was pure luck that she got her ride to the same place that I was being picked up at. It finally dawned on her that she needed to get out of the car so I could get into the car. As we were pulling away, the driver and I cackled a little, and he said that you were only important when it was your turn. That’s it.

I said it smelled a bit like patchouli, and he said that was from him – he had tried to get rid of it because it was getting too spicy. I had said I thought it was hers, and maybe she was smoking some dope. We cackled again. I told my driver that most people don’t know that it’s derived from pine. I also told him not to freak out, but I was allergic to it. He flapped his hands a bit anyway and cracked his windows. I explained that I’m allergic to patchouli, lavender, animals, and all kinds of things, just because of one of my rare diseases.

And hey, this is where it gets weird. My driver launches into the realm of following a cult. He tells me I should go on YouTube and watch all the videos of this guy, this doctor, who cured a bunch of people. But then he wasn’t allowed to say he cured anyone, and that was the fault of JD Rockefeller. And this guy argued in front of the Supreme Court. And then he was down in Honduras. And he was being nailed for money laundering, but no one could figure out exactly how he was laundering money, so it was totally okay, no reason to suspect him.

Oh, god.

Then my driver asked me if I believed in Jesus. I should at least believe in Jesus.

I told him no. I also told him that it doesn’t make him a better person than me just because he believes in Jesus and I don’t. [What happens is that whenever there is a difference in beliefs, the claim is that I will never get better if I don’t embrace Christianity or Jesus. Why? Says who? There’s this automatic assumption that Christians are better than non-Christians because, well, that’s just the way it is. I have yet to see evidence of that.] My driver said no, no, no, that’s not what I’m saying. But he had hands laid on him, and his herpes was cured.

Wait, what? No it wasn’t. Maybe it’s dormant right now, and hey, that’s great. But dormant does not equal cured. Also, buying into the idea of hands being laid on you is a strong power of suggestion. It can affect the activity of the virus. But don’t count on it and instead be safe with any kind of sexual activity. Also, stop worshipping this guy. He’s dead now anyway.

By the way, the guy this driver had chosen to worship was never a doctor, though the driver constantly referred to him as one, as I’m sure the other cult followers do as well. And my driver referred to this guy in the present tense as if he was still alive. He isn’t. For sure he isn’t. There isn’t any doubt in anyone’s mind that the guy died. But still my driver talked about him as if he was still releasing daily messages as an alive person. He still donates money to his “foundation.” I don’t think my driver was a wealthy person, so it would be interesting to see how that money was spent.

My driver also mentioned that he didn’t have many friends, but he was happy with his girlfriend. Now, my driver was a friendly guy according to my initial impression. I mean, we cackled together. But if he is worshipping a dead guy who was in on money laundering and lying about being a doctor, then I would run far and fast too. Far, far away. Roadrunner.

As I was exiting the car, my driver said he would pray for me. He just could not get over the fact that I didn’t dig Jesus and believe, believe, believe, because again, herpes. So there goes that judgment that his way is the right way and the better way because he proclaims to believe in Jesus. I don’t carry a science textbook with me and read from it to counter all of the people trying to force their religions on me, but maybe I should?